it ain't Wednesday and we still writing it. fact check Friday.
i've been pondering and praying on the difference between detachment and disconnection. I think as we re-emerge, I've been having doubts and fear about detaching from the traumatic life event we've just experienced, and allowing myself to be on the other-side of the healing of all of my inner-child/emotional trauma that the panny brought to clear light for me.
i do feel a slight pressure to return to the way things were, which was disconnected.. and that brings me to my point lovers. You see, disconnection is nowhere in my plans. being disconnected from myself, my life, my love, the one that created me, it just won't do. But detaching from situations, people, and environments in order to maintain the connectivity I've gained during this time is NECESSARY. IT IS A BALANCE BEAM MY DEARS, AND MAMA IS ON IT. I'm feeling it, it's upgrade season. I'm feeling it, less is more. I'm feeling it, everything's changed. I'm feeling it, the pull to go back to the lower version of myself... but you know what I have? The knowledge that feelings are fleeting. I have resiliency. I have patience. i have Jasmin. I have skills and strategy to self sooth. You know what else I have? awareness, and a hunger. A hunger for the most high that cannot be satiated, and I'm okay with that.. because I've been feeling fear as I come up on my 26th.. like wait, I'm on the other side.. not of the pandemic baby OF MY HEALING AT THIS LEVEL. Which means there is a new thanks and a new hunger, and I just wanna prophesy right now to someone reading this: it's okay to stay hungry for more God at every level, which is essentially more you because you're created in His image.
I HAVE LEVELED UP. and I need to receive the reward of my hard work, and blessings. Now it is not a time to force, or work so hard, or even fear.. it is time to look at the facts: the fact is I survived and am surviving this pandemic. The fact is; I am unwilling to go backwards only. The fact is, I am not afraid to fall because I have proven to myself that I shall rise. the fact is, I trust myself more than I ever have. the fact is, I know myself as best as I have. the fact is, all things are working together for my good. the fact is, I have more than I've ever had and that all is me. The fact is, I am a gift, the gift of and for me. It is time, to receive. the fact is, I have and am joy, love, peace, and wholeness... courage... and I possess the skillset and knowledge to maintain them, in any season, and environment. the fact is, I am intentional with my time, talents and thoughts. the fact is, im ready for this level and it is time to again, receive the reward of another opportunity. all of us living, have gotten a second chance at life man.. i mean really.. 600,000 dead in our country ina year? We got another chance. Receive. Know that your cup runneth over. That there's a well that never runs dry.
I have to let go of the belief that struggle is my birthright and fighting and working so hard is the only way I will achieve. I did so much inner work the last 2 years, and there will be a time for that again soon, but now... ten days away from my 26th evolution around the sun, I welcome this fact: I am on another level, taking me higher. Promised wouldn't burn me when you took me through the fire. Everything's ablaze, Lord you're changing all my ways– making me the first I go to, to inspire.
Well Jasmin, I'm inspired. Receive it. Now I have all this fire... Now Father, I am your all consuming fire... I have nothing to fear or to worry because I went into the fire afraid I would burn, and now I am coming out, AS THE FIRE. I can detach from the death, despair and trauma of the last 2 years, and frankly that of my childhood– but I am not disconnecting, I am taking the wisdom of the falls and rises, of the sleepless nights and tears, of the nights on my knees crying out in high-lonesome, I am taking the resilience, the hunger, to this level. I am taking, me. But I am detaching from unhealthy habits, ego Jasmin, old clubbing/people pleasing/scared to dance full out cuz you think I'm showing off, afraid to speak truthfully even if I'm the only one in the room with vision, needing to namedrop to prove im that bitch at what I do, guilty about being gifted Jasmin.... detaching... thinking she is to repeat the same tragic cycles and not really overcome and go to the next level Jasmin, I must detach. Fear of being me, I thank you, for during my trauma and trying to protect myself earlier, you really served me, I had to create the version of us to survive, now we have transitioned to joy, vulnerability and true connection... and now, we must detach from that which does not serve us anymore. But I will not disconnect, in the words of Brené Brown: You gotta dance with those that brung ya... and every version of me, brought me to this one, and this Jasmin? This flower? Is ready to blossom, and open to the sun and new possibilities of thinking, breathing, writing, dancing, sexing, talking, being... it's time my love, to bloom, unabashed, unapologetically, it is time to re-emerge as the all consuming fire that you are.
Come out, for it is time for you to enlighten. My cup runneth over... a question I shall challenge to ask yourself as I ask myself too, and we'll go into it in depth next week: How big is your cup?
Until next time, with all of my love
Jasmin Dominique Taylor, one of God's all consuming fires.