im trying to make it over my friends. I know I just came in hot.. but seeing as though im outdoors and it's 88 degrees, it seems fitting.
Im trying to make it over, i'm trying to clear the hump working to get to the other side... the other side of my being... of my becoming... of owning my name... of choosing from a place of empowerment.... the other side, the completely free side... the side where you're not workin get there, you're just working to stay...
you see... everyone must work.. tis the law of the universe my friends. we all follow cosmic and biological laws...we must sleep... we must eat... we must move....I mean... the list goes on and on... the thing that is your free will, whether you realize it or not, is what way you choose to follow these laws... what kind of work you want to do....sleep you get... food you eat... moves you make..... and baby... mamas working to make these decisions from such a rooted, grounded, quiet, still ,grateful, compassionate inner place... and that is the natural place.... the cosmic, deep place.....honestly, its all our first place... a free place.... a place where you must work to maintain, but again.. a free, first, safe place... house if you will.
but... the world, and it's woes sometimes break ya down, and make you build a different space... space that's built off of fear, and caring so much about what other people think and say, a space that's reckless and dangerous... requires no vulnerability or truth....and....that's a different work... to work to continually build and protect this place.....and upkeep this house....yikes
I guess what I'm saying is.. I'm in the place where the last walls of what was formerly built have finally fallen, and all that stands is me.... and the first, real place.... and all I have to do is step out of the debris.... and I am... it's just... uncomfortable... and this week... today, I feel like I keep trying but every time I look up there's a new piece of stone or wall that's really under my feet/ behind me but since I'm looking down it seems like it's ahead of me. This is where mature Jasmin has to come in, because we've done the work to have the true leader of the Internal Family System do the talking, even when other members of the family (parts of me) are expressive and a little rowdy... I must remind us all:
this assured inner confident vulnerable place, is not some foreign idea... it's my home, all i'm doing is returning.... but essentially today... and ,most days recently what has really been holding true and astonishing is:
Be grateful. Grateful that the walls you've built before tumbled because you worked to crush and explode them. Be grateful that you still remain after this former house has fallen. Be grateful there is nothing left over but debris. Be grateful that you are able to step away from what has fallen, as in you have your legs and your strength. BE.GRATEFUL. Once you get grateful you get glad. once you get glad, you get encouraged. you get encouraged you get hopeful. and once you have hope? you make your way to freedom. So... i'm on my way friends... i'm feeling 98% of the way to REALLY changing the way I work, cuz once you do– ya don't go back..... i mean it happens... but like, not often lol.
.. pray for me and i'll pray for you.... watch us clear it. onward and upward. ..
until next time with all of my love,