Frankly, let's say your romantic partner because SHOUT OUT PRIDE AND THE LAST DAY OF THE MONTH LOVERS. LGBTQIA+ YOU SO HUMAN AND LOVED IT DON'T MAKE NO SENSE AND WE FINNA KEEP FUCKING FIGHTING FOR YALL.
Now that you're clear on where I stand on HUMAN, YEAH, HUMAN rights– let me get into this word I have for you, and frankly me, today.
Back to the title: forgiveness aint just for your man (or romantic partner), sis
I've recently found myself in a situation where I have to forgive a woman in my life that I love and care about for not showing up as a friend/ the person they say they are for the entire pandemic. And... I was almost not down to do it. She ain't been calling, texting, checking in/ on me, showing her appreciation for me as a being and caring soul in her life, I mean nada... just completely falling short. And I was angry, hurt and to be frank very turned off to true reconciliation because, why try if you aint trying and why do when you aint doing? Till I realized that would be me allowing her to control my thoughts, and actions.. which is not being committed to honesty or acting within my integrity.
See, black, healthy female friendship, true support, and sisterhood is something I think very few of us know of and know how to do because many of us have never had it exemplified. Frankly, this goes for friendship in general i think. the Boomers I know of don't have girlfriends that they pray with consistently. they don't have girlfriends they go on trips with. they don't have girlfriends where hard conversations are a part of the deal because they're required to keep goin deeper, and growing. they don't have girlfriends where they just so vulnerable and completely themselves. Most of the relationships between women/ friendships we've seen are either surface/superficial or messy/toxic. We talk a lot about breaking cycles, and generational curses in terms of love, and I'm here to tell– FRIENDSHIP IS INCLUDED IN THIS, THIS CYCLE OF NOT HAVING TRUE LOVING FRIENDSHIP WE NEED TO BREAK LADIES. *men, you're next week.. wait on it*
Frankly, we be quick to forgive a nigga or romantic interest faster than we are to another woman thats desperately in need of grace, mercy, community, love and forgiveness. We think that going back in, trying one more time, mustering the courage to do the aforementioned is only reserved for a romantic love... oh my dears... we have been tricked... platonic love can be, and lemme tell you from experience IS just as important and deep as romantic. So, you must be willing to go just as hard with your friends, as you would your spouse/ romantic partner. You have to be committed to being loving, in every relationship in your life.. not just the ones you think are "more important".. and Imma do you one further.. you gone have to back up what you saying and believing with patience and true time, AS WE BE WILLING TO GIVE TO A DAMN ROMANTIC PARTNER BUT QUICK TO CUT A GOOD SIS OFF *me included*!
Want me to back all this up further? Lemme quote my good sis Bell Hooks from All About Love, and I'm not finna tell you the pages cuz you need to read the whole damn book:
She quotes the Art of Loving by Erich Fromm: "To love some-body is not just a strong feeling– it is a decision, it is a judgement, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go."
"The need for instant gratification is a component of greed. This same politics of greed is at play when folks seek love. They often want fulfillment immediately. Genuine love is rarely an emotional space where needs are instantly gratified. To know genuine love we have to invest time and commitment."
BUT THESE THE ONES THAT REALLY BRING THE SPECIFIC FRIENDSHIP LOVE POINT I'M MAKING HOME:
"Many of us learn as children that friendship should never be seen as just as important as family ties. However, friendship is the place in which a great majority of us have our first glimpse of redemptive love and caring community"
"Often we take friendships for granted even when they are the interactions where we experience mutual pleasure. We place them in a SECONDARY position, especially in relation to romantic bonds. This DEVALUATION of our friendships creates an emptiness we may not SEE when we are devoting all our attention to finding someone to love romantically or giving all our attention to a chosen loved one."
"When we see love as the will to nurture one's own or another's spiritual growth, revealed through acts of care, respect, knowing and assuming responsibility, the foundation of ALL LOVE IN OUR LIFE IS THE SAME. THERE IS NO SPECIAL LOVE EXCLUSIVELY RESERVED FOR ROMANTIC PARTNERS."
that's the fucking one... the one directly above... that's the one. stop reserving *talking to me too* that extra forgiveness, patience, grace, mercy, and your best, for romance... the goal is LOVE y'all. Yeah it's gone look different how you execute it in different relationships, I'm only bussin it down/open for my man, not my bestie.. but the same vulnerability and engagement I give to Tevin Taylor, I give to Talia Grace... and Rielle Walker.. and Gabriella Wiltz... and many other woman that are expanding my friendship network whether they're in another tier like Arteisha,
B.Lin, Monica Hamada.... etc...
So Gabby, I forgive you hoe! *lmao* yeah I just outted your ass cuz ain't no shame in our game mama, yo ass was tweaking but you keeping me on my toes and teaching me to love authentically and genuinely... honestly... and I love you which means I'm willing to sacrifice for you cuz you worth it... and although I'm nervous cuz love is scary sometimes g and again, yo ass was just tweaking on me, I'm looking forward to you proving me right... that's law.
that's all for today lovers,
with ALL OF MY LOVE.. until next time