It's Wednesday, let's write it.
As I wrote the first part of today's title; Ailey's " I wanna be ready" came to mind. 'I wanna be ready Lord, ready, to put on, my long white robe." – he sings. I think it's symbolic and pretty also literal (lmao) that we (people) want to be ready for God to call us home, wherever you think home is. When I first heard it, I thought heaven, this distant place. Now that I'm writing, and have gotten clarity through doing so in my spirit, I realize that heaven is being in flow, connected with yourself– following and relishing in your bliss.
Today feels nice because I get to take my time with my writing. The past few posts I've been in positions where WriteIt hasn't been able to take priority because of all the things God is bringing into and causing me to do and be in my life. Now, today, mama's up for air... and I'd like to talk about being ready.
For the past two years, I've been working on myself so intently and so deeply. I mean, to the point of entire reconstruction. And I can finally say, that she, it me, is ready and open for business. and the business keeps on flowing. Not just professionally, but personally... let me provide a few examples.
One of my closest friends and I (I mean so close that we share each others first and middle names, reversed) have reconciled.. it took two years of space and silence.... of wondering and waiting... of getting, wait for it.. ready. Now, in just a week's span, we've reconciled to a much more beautiful, authentic, and real place that I only have prayed for. I wasn't ready before though, to heal.. to be healed... I'd like to note, sometimes you want something so bad, but you're not ready or willing to do the work required to get it... I'd like to also note, that all of us experience this, some of us are just more honest about it than others. I wasn't ready to take accountability, apologize, make amends, and change action, until.... seven days ago. The thing about God and the universe is, since they both inherently want to support you and for you to be your most ready and willing self, when it happens, they throw everything your way that you truly deserve, and then some... this is 'my cup runneth over'
Another one of my sisters *my closest girlfriend* is moving back to Chicago after a decade away. She, nor I- were ready until now. To see and love each other to and WITH our fullest, to extend versus shrink, and to lean in versus away or around.... *we was circumventing disagreement like a motherfucker for like, years lmao*. Now? We have one of the largest professional art contracts in the city together, with two more 'largest of their kind' contracts pending, and more on the horizon. We work together, laugh together, pray together, eat together, hell... we do it all. I don't think either of us had the capacity in thought or the capability in action because of our inability to think past certain things. to embrace each other in the love that we do now. Simply put, we wasn't ready. Even though there were so many times we wanted to be.
My husband and I are in a happy, hopeful marriage. I mean truly happy. I mean, we can handle it all– and we do. and now we're being blessed with the opportunity to spoil each other, through gifts, trips, and experiences. Money is flowing, raises are coming in, and opportunities for connection as adult partners that have chosen to do life together are simply presenting themselves. We do not have to, nor do we choose anymore to keep our work separate from each other. He's an engineer, so it takes more time on his for me; slowly but surely, I'm learning more, and the same for him and my work. We couldn't get to these conversations though about work, before we were able to talk about the deep stuff within our marriage, not our childhoods, but our marriage that were affecting us both.. things like communication, pace, initiation, appreciation, our collective AND individual faiths and relationships with God, focus, etc... we weren't ready to be able to delve deeper into the surface things like what we do, (surface in that there are multi-contextual levels of being versus doing) because we weren't clear on who we were, who we are now, and who we'd like to continue to grow to be. Now that we've gotten clear about those things through prayer, support like therapy and delving into nature, reading and learning about the brain, connections, and the heart..we're ready to start living life brighter, bigger and fuller... we're ready to go up, cuz we've taken care of, and continue to take care of our down.. our base.. our foundation.
It's also been this way for our friend group entitled: Meet the Wordle, Woo. This group chat, and group of people have become my family. My family of origin is simply that, of origin. Now, I have very little physical connection with them, as I'll always be spiritually and emotionally connected to them to a degree, and frankly, for this I am grateful. This group though, Meet the Wordle, Woo? Has allowed me to experience trust, love, connection, disagreement, grief, honesty, and the merging/ discovery of values and differences that has and is continuing to re-wire my brain. This group has and is healing me, and I don't think they know how much.. so here's your window in Woo, you change my life, everyday. And you make me remember that I belong... not to fit in, that I, Jasmin Dominique Taylor as me, belong. Thanks wouldn't cover it, but it's what we have in the English Language, so –thank you.
Lastly, I'll give you all a glimpse professionally. I can't tell you everything I'm working on right now, because I am not at liberty to discuss *lmao I love that line, it just sounds so profesh to me haha* But what I can tell you, is that until now, I had not felt or truly been supported by the arts community in Chicago or frankly... as a whole. Now? Connections are coming to me left and right, and it's because I'm ready to NOT squander and self-sabatoage them. I mean literally appearing to me. Ways to get my work seen, ways to connect with others to make meaningful work, ways to practice true interdependence and forge and build trust, love and connection with unity within diversity. And all it does is make my heart and my bones sing with joy. My other close ass girlfriend just asked me to co-produce her thesis about coming home to self with her... to support her in her healing, as she's done in mine.. I mean whoa. My projection for Art on theMART films this Saturday... and I don't have the words yet to describe my feelings.. I'm just taking it all in.. I'm here... which means I'm ready... because I'm present. There are other contracts I can't yet discuss, but the only reason I have them, or that they're on the horizon is because I've done the work to be ready.. ready to receive. To dance, to sing, to write, to speak, to love, and t integrate all of that into the fulness of my being and everything I touch... I'm ready.
here's the definition of ready as an adjective: in a suitable state for an activity, action, or situation; fully prepared.
I am... in a suitable state for anything. I'm down for anything, cuz I have my mind, I have my heart, and I have my soul. I have them all. I'm applied and aligned... the album that you'll get from me soon is entitled just that, and I named it that before I was ready to record it.. before I was ready to put in the work that's necessary to get it to the next stage.
All I can say is, I'm really gonna make it. I'm really making it. I'm here. and I'm so glad, I didn't give up before I grew up. That I didn't toss in the towel and give up on my dreams... my dreams of living a fulfilled, whole-hearted, authentic life... before I was ready... just because I wanted it and wasn't ready.
I'm wishing you the strength it takes to get ready, and the confidence and courage required to BE ready. You can do it, it's hard as fuck. These last three years, since I got married, were the hardest of my life. They also are my most grateful years. the years that I've been the deepest in my worship and praise. the years that have set the stage, for my now, which honestly. all things considered, which is the type of person I am and want to continue to be, is bliss. My life, is bliss... and it couldn't be before... not before I was ready.
I'll leave you with one of my favorites: "Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all we ask or think according to the power that worketh in us." Ephesians 3:20
I love you, and you're gonna make it.
With all of my love, bliss, and readiness... until next time,
Mrs. Jasmin Dominique Taylor