Long time no write. Mama needed to get through one of the darkest periods of her life and mind to realize and remember that she is made of infinite light. I have so many things I want to write about and venture into with you, and we will get to those... Wednesday by Wednesday.
Today, we're writing about the change that's happening cosmically that I know we all feel. Not only that of the new calendar year, but I know everyone is feeling simply put, a shift. I aim to believe that the shift is one of inner confidence and consequence. One that will bring you closer to your inner infinite light, and thus catapult you into change beyond your wildest dreams. It is not a shift that happens without consequence though, and in rolls the..... wait for it..... fear.
Eek! Why every time we talk about prospering and progress we gotta talk about pain? Damn! That's the shit that can make one feel like they are literally doomed to, or by birthright entitled to: Tragedy. Well let me tell you, mamas and papas far and wide, they/ thee and them.... thassa whole ass lie. Your birthright is being. Your birth-right is 'whole-heartedness' as one of favorites Brené Brown often says. And that being, that living with your whole being and whole heart, the kind of living that inspires confidence in overcoming and recognizing that consequence and change don't always equal negativity and loss is what connects you to yourself and others, and thus– keeps you alive... gives you purpose.
The shift I feel is that I need to be around people and more specifically BE a person that gets me. I know when people use this phrase, they're typically talking about is "fitting-in" or people knowing all of their thoughts, desires and nuances. That's not what I'm talking about here. I need to be around people that get the kind of person I am and working everyday to be. I simply have outgrown those not interested in being whole-hearted, applied, and aligned. Notice aligned didn't come first... I think the mere need to be aligned makes you apply yourself and figure out how to do that. Notice I ain't say want, those are easier to dismiss... needs aren't. More importantly, I MUST BE CONTINUALLY INTERESTED IN BEING APPLIED AND ALIGNED.... everyday... every.single.day.
What does this require? I'll share with you 10 things I learned this last season as I transition into this next one....
commitment to honesty. if you aint telling the truth, to yourself first *whether you know what that is or not– this includes telling yourself and others exactly that.. I.Don't.Know.* you can't be in my life directly. I be telling myself the truth a lot now and consequently to all those I encounter. I can count the lies I've told in the last year.... seriously... and they've been small (when I got something in the mail.. I was planning on going to the post office today... when I knew I wasnt)... but we working on being 100 percent.. I'd genuinely give myself a 98....today...lmao
boundaries. this is one I made huge leaps and bounds with in 2020 to the outer circle of the world... then the last three months... I started regressing a bit with those closest to me. I know I've been attempting to go with the flow because the times have been so crazy and I've been allowing room and flow... it's time to solidify some true boundaries and say no. If you think being vulnerable and in flow means not having boundaries again, May God bless and keep you on your journey :)
hard conversations. Jesus... I learned last week for the first time with my husband what the difference between a hard conversation and an argument was. Also, sometimes hard conversations can turn into emotional offloading... that's not a conversation. I can be guilty of this and am recognizing when I'm doing it.... weren't we talking about us and how I affect us, and you affect us??... now I'm talking about me... or you just talking about you... pause... no. Hard conversations are talking AND listening, they take time, and direct eye contact, and soft body language... because let you fold or cross your arms, or roll your eyes while I'm pouring out something my negative nancy voice has told me to hide or be ashamed of.... let's go nuclear baby.
Engagement is the basis of trust. I consistently bring trust up with those closest to me, and honestly with the outside world. I am engaging with you all right now writing this, I am engaging with Tevin daily, I engage with Talia and Geno quite often... and those engagements set the foundation for our trust. Choosing to disengage is highly problematic and triggering... if you don't want to engage with me online, or in person, unfollow me and wish me well, cuz I'm wishing it right back baby :) Everybody aint for everybody! If you wanna engage, let's... I'm here. forreal. I'm HERE. WE HERE.
Small and consistent moments of disengagement over time erode trust and blow up relationships. This one is big for self with me. Any time you choose another thing or person over the true loving inside voice of yours, you are choosing to disengage from that voice. Over time, you begin to trust that voice less, and you look up and now are distrusting and disconnected from yourself and consequently the world. Same with the people around you. Keep choosing to ignore or squander small opportunities, you will eventually lose them. Tighten up. (Speaking to myself too) *how was your day?* *you okay?* etc....
Say no. I been saying a lot of no to things internally, which is why I finally love myself... and now am better at it externally. This past year with my therapist has worked wonders for me, so much so that I've gone from weekly standing appointments to once a....wait for it... MONTH. And I believe continuing on this path I will get it down even more. I've had to say no to some of the people I love the most, because I'm saying yes to Jasmin, and I love her. If saying yes means saying no to you all the time, you're in dangerous territory. You're not being selfless, you're destroying self. stop. being nice to to others doesn't equal being mean to yourself.
Shame is universal emotion. (Thank you Brené Brown!!) Shame is the worry/fear of being unlovable, unworthy, unlikeable because you are a certain way or think certain things. It helps to know we all share this emotion, because that means we all can combat it too! Brené talks about the way to combat shame is through shame resilience, not resistance.. because we all experience it. I'll drop some of her tactics on resilience in the future... but this was huge for me last season and as I dead the last season and glean the good of that dark, hard time I recognize I was ashamed of being me. Ashamed of being vulnerable. Ashamed of not thinking the way others do, or liking what they like. Through deep spiritual work ( AND IM TALKING DEEP YALL, prayer, meditation, weeping, therapy, rinse, repeat) I'm in a place where now I am more resilient than I have ever been, and I still have a ways to go... and I'm proud.
You don't need people around you that think the way you do, or even work the exact same way as you. You need people that wanna support you as you work through your shit in whatever HEALTHY ways they can, and vice versa. You need people around you that want to be seen and loved by you, and will provide you opportunities to do the same.. and make it CLEAR. All that other shit, is here today, and gone tomorrow. *Cue Pound Cake intro by Drizzy*
You gotta have some type of therapy/alignment practice. I don't care if it's walking in nature, free-writing and journaling, dancing, doing cartwheels, CBD/Mary Jane *note, not as a form of numbing, a genuine therapy*, telling jokes, film, martial arts, the gym, shaking ass, pole work, watering and growing plants, church, prayer, learning a language, puzzles, coloring, etc– YOU MUST HAVE SOMETHING IN YOUR LIFE THAT GROUNDS YOUR MIND AND HEART, AND ALIGNS THEM WITH YOUR SPIRIT/ TRUE SOURCE OF ENERGY to be around me. If you don't I don't trust you... cuz frankly, you don't trust you and your fragility of the human experience. If you think you can just be out here straight with all that's going on and not have to develop a practice to cultivate mindfulness, peace, and gratitude... you're full of sugar honey iced tea, and I'll be praying for you cuz we all gotta get there and we all fall off the wagon. Thank God for Grace.
People are gone go. Jobs are gone go. Time is gone go. Let them ALL. YOU, the core of you, must remain... and the only way that's gone happen is if you get you... and are around people that do too.. and requite that from you.
I'm not talking to you about anything I don't now know. I went through such rough times last year, and maybe at some point I'll divulge specific pieces of those dark ass times. But I've learned about vulnerability that it doesn't mean over-disclosing and telling all your business. The same way it IS having the courage to show up and be YOU and tell the truth and figure this shit out without knowing the outcome. I literally just did this at 11:30 PM last night with one of my closest loved ones, and they could decide to not continue on this journey with me for a while... and I hope they don't decide that. But I had to come forward and tell my truth, and I hope.... that oddly, through me doing this with them, even though it may have been upsetting and/or disappointing that it gives them the courage to do so in their life more, and to know that I'm always down to ride, till 3005.
If you've made it to the end, know that I love you, I see you, and I get you...
cuz we're committed to figuring this LIFE shit out and getting it right...
and getting it right is realizing you've had the stuff you've always needed and the world needs you as you are and were born... whole. Living is your birthright my friends, so carry this shift into yourself with care! You are, always have been, and always will be–enough.
Until next time...
With all of my love,