Happy Wednesday lovers, let's write it.
Today's one of them days. One of those days I don't wanna be all evolved, where I wanna be whole-hearted but concentrate on one part of my heart that feels the heaviest. One of those days where I wanna let my anger, and sadness have the floor. One of those days where I don't wanna meditate, or go for a long ass bike ride, take a dance class, shitty first draft it with my best friend, rise strong, or double down on what Brené Brown calls the Gifts of Imperfection: Courage, Compassion and Connection. One of those days I don't have a lot of fight in me, God gotta fight all my battles today, and that's per usual, it's just a little more apparent today.
Today, I want the advances to be made towards me. Fuck being humble all the damn time, man. I want love and compassion, courage and fairness to double down on making their way to Jasmin. I don't wanna double down on wisdom and knowledge and insight and see how what I'm going through in my healing is being used for my good. I don't wanna do the right things... Today, I wanna flame one up, eat whatever, whenever, and drink water and pop. Today I wanna curse someone close to me out and make them feel as confused and upset as they and the world make me feel sometimes. Today I wanna crawl back into the womb and curl up protected like a little one. Today I wanna catch a one way plane to somewhere tropical, put my phone on DnD except for like two people and have pina-coladas and get caught in the rain, I wanna laugh to loud at things people would deem not appropriate but I don't care because I can find the funny in anything. Today, I don't feel like a progressing positive adult, performance extraordinaire, gift from God... today I want the gifts to come to me, today I need the gifts to come to me.
I'm also grateful today, even though it's one of them days. For new lows (higher than the lowest of lows I've experienced so that's gotta mean something.) For my ability to remain honest, even when not giddy. For sound, for water and baths, for self-love, and self-kindness, self-compassion, and self-courage to allow myself to feel one of them days. And also, oddly, I have peace... i'm not anxious or erratic.. I just.. don't feel full of faith or super hopeful about some changes that I know need to be made.. I'm grateful today for the day... and today, that's enough.
So, I'm making room today. I'm giving my feels the floor, but a designated time, aka, mama's still in control because I'm ALLOWING them to have the floor so they can get out all there whining and discrepancies, confusion, blase blase blase, put it all on the table. Then we can sift through and decide what's true, and what's not, what more we need to learn, and then come up with a plan to move forward... but today's for stillness... I will not be moved and try and put on a positive day when today is just, today for me. And that doesn't mean it isn't a beautiful or good day, it just means it's not specifically positive... So I guess I'm not over all things working together for my good huh?
If you're having one of them days, one of them weeks, one of them months.... I see you, I hear you, I love you, and you're gonna make it. Give it room. make room to sit in it, so you can recharge in your stillness, and then have all the energy and gusto you need to move when the time is right.
Happy hump day lovers, it's just one of them days for me. and if it's an awesome day for you, bask in that too :)
Until next time,
With all of my love