Week 8, by way of 9

It's Wednesday let's Write it...

Today marks week nine in Tokyo, and last week Donald Trump secured his second term is an American President. I had a sentence typed last week to begin a post... but I had to acknowledge that my spirit was not in a place to continue business as usual... so I honored it.

SO, as stated in the title, here's week 8, by way of 9... makes me think of that joke that ends with seven, eight, nine lol.

Any who, this last ten days of November has been intense man. The election and its daunting results, a new month that kicks us deeper into holiday mode, the passing of Judith Jamison, and physically missing some loved ones' birthdays, it's all just been... a bit much for me. I am still doing okay, just taking it one day at a time.

I've resorted to my current usuals: deep cleaning my space, body, cooking, dancing, singing, writing, reading, constant prayer, yoga, gym, the family I’ve built and am building, repeat. And I know some health professionals say those things manage stress.. versus eliminate them... but sometimes things have to feel manageable for me to release them. Also, I'm already minimizing the amount of stress I'm under by not even talking to folks that I don't deem my people. That's been a thing... this period in Japan is such a clarity moment.. it's such a deep moment in my life and it's honestly moving quickly. Checking in with those that I love to make sure they're still with me has been no small feat... and honestly some have made it easier than others. More on that later.. I'm a bit tired and still have to hit the gym, shower, and rest.. I've been up for over twenty four hours....

That's another thing that's been tricky here in Japan. Sleep... well more specifically, my sleep schedule. Sleep isn't hard to come by, and I'm sleeping pretty deeply and restfully when I do. But the schedule... I prefer to be fully awake in the night when the moon is high.. like at the time of my birth at 3:46 am on the nineteenth of July in the year nineteen ninety five.... one of the hottest summers on record. I've been okay with this because...as the story of my birth goes my mommy had to coax me out or they were gonna do an emergency c section... she talks to me "I know you're scared but you have to come down... mommy is here... mommy needs your help... you can do this, we can do this.. mommy’s tired" and she says I immediately started coming down, she pushed, and I was out. I've been thinking about this a lot lately.

I've always needed reassurance, because even with all of the beautiful combinations of humanness and divinity in the world, it is a scary place that can be difficult to trust unless constantly reassured... a place also where you must come down and face it, or you will be sucked out.. or into it. I think I've also always known since that moment the African Proverb that out of them all has resonated with me so deeply that it continues to show up in my life— constantly! "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together."

I've always known we all need a little help sometimes, because I did. And I've always needed to hear it. "I will and want to help you"...

I have returned to this here in Japan... and it seems some people that I love.. or that I want to love, are struggling with this…. And sometimes it feels like the world at large is.

Yeah— it seems most people are struggling with this... and I've always struggled with the opposite: coming out of my cozy shell all on my own just because I'm supposed to and it's time. Or is that different side same coin? what a crab.. a true cancer. And my mommy's a cancer too, so.. double up. Most people that I observe, even here in Japan.. are struggling to make it clear that they need others. We live in a current culture, where it is not only popular, but championed to be and only be "self sufficient"

I think we've confused this term with being capable and figuring that out ourselves. I’m reading this book based on Adlerian Psych. More on that later but I presume this capability we all need to know we have, is about separation of tasks. It’s important to know you can do things for yourself. It's also important to know that no one can do all things for oneself, and shouldn't desire that either as it's against our nature. It’s true. Truth being my highest value... I find that sometimes I try to intrude on other's tasks of discovering this truth: that no one is alone in need. And intruding on other's tasks is.... no bueno... and that explanation is for another day. Back to sleep.

I am ruled by the moon, literally the cancer's (the mother of the zodiac) ruling planet is the moon. I been sleeping while everyone is roaming the Earth in this hemisphere during the day, I mean long hours yall lol. And at night, I am awakened, galvanized, present. A part of me... as I remember my birth story wonders if that is fear... is it the fear of dealing with people and their shit? Do I feel I can't afford to fake it like me me me is all I want... while also understanding me first is necessity? That's another piece of nuance it can be hard for us (humans to grasp) that first doesn't mean only. I will say, I don't just have me only and I'm proud of that. I also like I said, am sleeping well. But, on days where I have class... this can result in being up for an entire day... because I didn't rest as I was awake during the night, and then hit the day... this is burning the candle at both ends and I know it isn't sustainable long term... but this year is really 10.5/11 months and I'm already through two... so is it long term? Maybe it's sustainable as I spend time in solitude... remembering deeper than my family of origin... simply remembering my origin... maybe this is a period where I connect so deeply with myself that it would take hell and high water for me to forget who I am ever again.. even when I change and make adjustments with the ones I love in mind. Maybe it is it fear, maybe .. just maybe it is courage, it is epowerment…freedom. I find that with how authentically, expressively, divinely, and most important- FREELY I am living here... I'm in my power... so in the words of Papa Pope... ‘I am the hell and the high water.’

That's all for today folks.... more to ponder and pour out next week... sending you remembrance of your power... "before I formed you in your mother's womb I knew you" power... that power that is known throughout time with the architect of architects.. the father of fathers.. the lover of lovers... the most high of the highest. From THAT remembrance I hope you settle in and know... that place.. which can and essentially IS your current place, because all we have is now as you navigate the world with, in, and through your body... is home.

PS: I guess I answered my own question... Fuck conventional sleep hours... mama's home and resting in that truly in all realms.. just not on anyone's schedule but my own.. and I trust this , and that like everything other moment, this too shall pass.

Amen and Ase.

With all of my love until next time,

Mrs. Jasmin Dominique Taylor