first this page is blank... then it's not; it becomes filled–
and i feel like i learn something every time. this also reminds me of my weekend... i broke two teeth and they were crip walking in my mouth for about 48 hours and now they're completely fixed....and i feel like i learned something. I fell a couple times this weekend when I skinned my knee and broke two of my teeth... eek! It was not a fun experience, and i of course was a little tipsy because the weather allowed for it, and we decided to appreciate the opportunity to enjoy the great outdoors. but aw man, did i pay for it.... and it had caused me to sit still for a couple days because something like this had never specifically happened to me before. yes, falls happen... but these two had REALLY cost me, at a time where i was simply just trying to enjoy myself... hmmm?
i was left with a sadness, and a bit of a shame from breaking my teeth. i've never had a cavity. i've never been to the dentist for anything other than a teeth cleaning. God just curated mine that way, then here i go, tryna have fun and obvi doing too much *although that wasn't the thought at the time* and break them. i'm a big smiler. an articulate orator. my teeth? whoa. pause, God what're you trying to tell me? what's my next move? it felt permanent. the filling i now have is a permanent change in my mouth which was a little difficult for me to accept and work through. and i know it was an accident, but it rocked my boat and i felt i really needed to re-trace my choices to how i had gotten to this permanent change.....
boom. the page is blank, then it's not. how? i write it out, i work through it. i type, and flow, then i back space and delete some... then i write some more and keep it going until it feels finished for what it is that day. same with falls and different shit in life....shit that requires you to rise strong, literally and figuratively– and honestly after you get clear about your choices and what position you play in authoring them and writing your own story, shit takes care of itself. my teeth were broken. now they are not. i was really sore the day after, now less so. i was feeling ashamed, confused and like i just wasn't aware and consequently some of not the best choices.. now, i've accepted the lesson, and body and soul are healing well.
i guess today's about acceptance and healing then... per usual... but even in the smallest things... in your literal falls and changes. dentist told me i'll never be able to bite into an apple directly again... but i can eat apples. so, a permanent change, but one that i can surely accept and didn't lose what was really important... the ability to eat...or what.. just changing how. mmmm, God are you physically putting lessons on me? lol. i've just been thinking that about loss, change, growth, progress...etc.... the falls hurt... and sometimes things chip away that you can't get back *like my teeth* ... and you have to change how you do and approach things *eating, hard things specifically*... and maybe take a little more time to do them.... *cutting things up takes more time* but you get them done *eat*, you heal *sensitivity because trauma to my teeth will fade* you adjust *these fillings will feel less foreign eventually*, and learn to accept this change *this is smile now* , and then love it *and since it is mine, and what i have, i love it*... cuz you're here and benefiting from said change as you continue to fall, and get back up again.
glad my grill is fixed. glad that day is done. glad this day is here. glad to know where my mistakes are. glad to know where i've grown. glad to have and then have not. as well as the ability to gain even when i lose.
hope yall have a decent hump day. accept some change. accept some healing. get the lesson. move different. make a decision about how you wanna proceed, think, and/or feel, and let shit fix itself.
april is flying, and we're going right with it.. one day at a time.
with all of my love,