two things that I cannot remember truly feeling and indulging in purely for and with myself, within my conscious memory before. now, I feel and seek them within, daily.
glory: (n) –magnificence or great beauty.
(v)– take great pride or pleasure in.
pleasure: (n) a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment.
(adj) used or intended for entertainment rather than business.
(v) give sexual enjoyment or satisfaction to.
I have found glory. I have found pleasure.. both, within me. both, for me. both, a part of me. These feelings feel new, but there's a familiarity about them, a sense of homecoming that I can't quite put into locution. *+2 for my word, locution wink wink*
I find glory in the rising of the sun as it greets me with the mercy and grace of an entire new day. I find glory in the chirp of the birds, as they are the only alarm clock I have used in over 6 months. I find glory in the mirror, as I take great pride and pleasure in me and my reflection. I like and love the woman I see staring back at me, and I remember a time not so long ago where I could not withstand my own gaze. I find glory in not running from my feelings, and allowing myself to feel and heal during 10-60 mins of yin yoga with breath as my focus in the mornings, or wherever I can fit it in. I am finding glory and pleasure in not moving too fast or taking myself too seriously. I find pleasure in laughing at and with myself. I find glory in my ability to shift and adapt as changes happen or are made. I find glory in shorter workouts that I know I am doing to fuel and honor my body versus show off/work for others to compliment me. I find glory in being here: my body, earth, Chicago, the south-side, my home. I find pleasure in my ability to surrender and forever be a student of the moment. I have found a new pleasure sensually and sexually... and this pleasure is different and was almost scary because it is so spiritual and cosmic... with yourself and with another. When I am making love now.... I find pleasure in letting go, completely and being fully present in this moment and encounter... and by also focusing on my pleasure first, not my partners. I find glory in relishing that my body and my orgasm are for me, and not my husband.... he just gets to partake in the glory... in the pleasure... that is me. I find glory in Debussy's Clair De Lune. I find glory in music, all genres from classical to world. I find glory in Jackson Park, as the natural landscape is simply breathtaking. I find glory in Lake Michigan and the never-ending horizon I get to take in on LSD. I find pleasure in exchanging smiles with strangers. I find pleasure in dressing beautiful for work. I find glory in needing grace and mercy and maybe having a harder or darker day than the last, and knowing I will prevail. I find pleasure in no longer fearing any thoughts, and allowing them to come and go. I find glory in my morning, noon, and night baths. I find pleasure in speaking to Talia Grace daily. I find glory in owning the home I live in. I find glory and pleasure in honoring, remaining curious and open-hearted in the deepest friendship and love-relationship I've ever had with another human, Tevin Taylor. I find pleasure in no longer fearing reading text messages, or emails that I don't know what they are to say. I find pleasure in knowing I am whole. I find glory in knowing I am hungry for the Lord. I find pleasure in His refuge. I find glory in every piece of music I sing or write. I find pleasure in tackling problems, solutions, paradoxes, paradigms, and/or play with my creativity. I find glory in my strength of spirit. I find pleasure in eating. I find glory and pleasure in rest. I find glory in questioning and going back to the drawing board. I find pleasure in rebuking that which does not serve or assist me. I find glory in the truth. I find pleasure in commitment. I find glory and pleasure in knowing and believing I am enough. I find pleasure in reflection and glory in hope for the present and future. I find glory and pleasure in simply awakening for a new day. I find glory and pleasure deep.. as in the depths of my soul and being. I found pleasure in glory as I was overwhelmed with pure joy to the point of tears, for the first time in the Dominican Jungle.
For I am glory. I am pleasure. I am, home.
My birthday is 5 weeks away, and this is the first year around the sun in my conscious memory that I am birthed (for every year, I am new) with pleasure and glory. I look forward to deepening my connection with and to myself and others. For I find pleasure and glory in deep connection, transparency with boundaries, and love with all of you.
With all of my love, I hope you have the courage to go deep and find all of this within yourself in your own way. You already have it my dear, and even if it feels new, you are returning to the you formed before you were in your mothers womb. I used to feel pleasure and glory were dirty words, reserved for those willings to do nasty dark things to get it.... oh what a lie lovers.
These are things only possible by the light. So with this knowledge, I wish you pleasure... I wish you glory.
Until next time,
Jasmin Dominique Taylor.